Uchihas and the Hoshigaki Gang
by YaoiPhox
Summary: Pairing s : KisaIta. Minor Pairing s : ZabuHaku, KakuHida, ZetTobi, SasoDei, SasuNaru  Additional Warning s : Language, Smut, Yaoi, Minor Character Death  not one you haven't seen before . Kinda based on Romeo and Juliet but it's not tragic. ONESHOT


Pairing(s): KisaIta  
Minor Pairing(s): ZabuHaku, KakuHida, ZetTobi, SasoDei, SasuNaru  
Additional Warning(s): Language, Sexual Themes, Minor Character Death (not one you haven't seen before)

* * *

Itachi was looking out across the sea on his bedroom's balcony when he saw him. He was tall, handsome, muscular, dripping wet, and blue. Yes, blue as in blue skin and blue hair. Itachi tilted his head in interest, wondering who this strange man could possibly be. He frowned deeply when he saw another, smaller male, he assumed, tackle the blue man with what appeared to be a hug. Before he could dwell on the pair's relationship much longer, a knock made him sprint back into his room, closing the window-like doors that led to his perch.

He went to the door and allowed the person in. It was his maid, Konan. She went to the balcony, pulling the curtains shut. She distracted him from noticing another woman had entered. She nodded curtly to Konan and the maid stood by a wall, quieter than a mouse. The woman approached Itachi, frown still set on her face.

"Itachi, how many times must I tell you not to go out on the balcony? Your skin is too sensitive for you to be sitting out there for hours, staring at the sea." She shook her head. "Honestly, I'd think you would rather read one of your books or play with your brother."

"Sorry mother." He replied curtly. "Sasuke has not been around me lately and I have read all the books in the library."

"Your father has been trying to see if he has mastered the skills required to join the Uchiha police force. After all, you had excelled at his age and became part of the force at age (?)." She smiled fondly but only for a moment. "And then you had to go and drown yourself."

"I was on a mission mother."

"I know, sweety. Don't worry, your father is making sure those hooligan Hoshigakis keep to their parts of the beach." Itachi sighed. "Oh, but I had a reason for coming here." She continued. "Your father and I agree that it is time for you to find a suitable wife. You will be meeting your choices tomorrow afternoon."

She left as she had arrived and Konan approached his side. She eyed him, studying his emotionless expression. She continued to stare until his mask began to slip. He frowned, trembling slightly before marching over to his bed, grabbing a pillow, and slamming it against the wall. He stood for a moment, breathing carefully. After nearly drowning, he had problems breathing and got ill easily. Once she was certain Itachi had calmed down, she pulled him onto the bed and sat beside him.

"I take it you don't want to be wed?" She whispered.

"Not to a woman... not to someone of their choosing. But I have no choice." He sighed, putting his head in his hands.

"... What do you want me to do?" She inquired gently. "You know who I really am."

"Yes, I do. You are the Paper Angel of Ame. You are in line to wed the king." She nodded.

"But I don't want to marry someone that will never love me more than a sister." She leaned back on her hands. "He'll still do me a solid though if it means I could go back to his side."

Konan, a woman from Amegakure, was currently forced to work under the Uchiha clan. After fleeing an undesired wedding, she came to Konohagakure with nothing but the clothes on her back and a paper rose in her hair. She had been caught by the Uchiha police after trying to steal food and now was working under them to pay off her debt. Itachi and Konan both told each other almost everything. She knew he was gay and he knew she was royalty.

"Do you think he could take me to Ame? Then I would finally be free of my family..." He hoped.

"Well, I know of a way." She gazed up at the ceiling, "But it still involves marriage." Itachi wrinkled his nose in distaste. "I shall send him a letter... Tobi will be happy to get out of the house."

"Yeah... how is Zetsu, by the way?"

Tobi, a distant relative of Itachi's, was a hyperactive messenger boy. Zetsu had become their gardener the same time Konan had become a maid. He was supposed to be her 'guard' from Amegakure but he too got caught. Since he loved plants so much, he was taken on as the Uchiha gardener. Unfortunately, he had been thrown in their jail again. The reason? He had been caught in Tobi's bed one night and Itachi's parents threw a fit. Zetsu willingly went into custody in order to prevent Tobi from being thrown out onto the streets. He knew the idiot would never last long on his own; especially not in Konohagakure at such a time too...

–

On the beach, Kisame was struggling to throw his cousin off of him. Suigetsu had come out of no where and tackled him, again. Kisame sighed as Suigetsu was slammed into the sand, shouting 'shark' rather than 'uncle'. Kisame released him, allowing to get up and spit sand from his sharp mouth. He pouted for a moment then heard a loud, bellowing laugh. He scowled and turned to find Zabuza sitting up on a ledge, laughing at the loss.

"Oh shut it, you damn demon!" Suigetsu snapped moodily.

"This is... what? The seventh time in the past three days, Kisame?" Zabuza only laughed harder at Suigetsu's response.

"Eighth." Kisame corrected, brushing a little sand off his blue shoulder. "What's up, coz?"

"Haku has dinner ready." He slid off the rock and sauntered over to his cousins. "He won't be happy if you wait 'til it's cold."

Kisame nodded and helped Zabuza pull Suigetsu back up to his feet. Then the trio headed over to the water where a large fishing boat was docked. They climbed aboard and found a feminine boy stirring something in a large pot. He smiled when he saw Zabuza approach and kiss his cheek. Kisame and Suigetsu's mouths watered at the smell of the young boy's concoction.

"Kisame, do you know if Hidan is fasting today?" Haku inquired, ladling a bowl of soup for each of them.

"Nah, he's not fasting today, why?" He was already gulping the hot liquid down. He was exhausted after his swim against the waves. "You want me to take him some?"

"No, it can wait until later tonight." He smiled, nuzzling up to Zabuza. "It's too dangerous to go out now. Uchihas are all over the place. The little heir was out with his father."

"I thought that guy was sick after... well..." Suigetsu trailed.

"It wasn't anybody's fault. Your brother wanted to pick a fight. He just chose the wrong place and the wrong person..." Haku soothed. "He tried to make amends..."

"And yet we're the ones getting blamed despite the fact i_we_/i lost our family member." Kisame scowled. "If I ever meet the guy responsible, I'll be sure to introduce him to Samehada."

"You can't kill him Kisame. If you did, you'd be thrown in jail before I could say 'Haku' and then no one would look out for us. We're missing a lot of our brethren thanks to those damn police." Zabuza growled.

"Don't worry, Hidan would be more than happy to help." Kisame chuckled.

"Shame he can't leave the temple though." Haku sighed.

"I heard there'd be another guy coming to replace him soon enough. I think he's fed up with being a priest." Suigetsu laughed. "I would be too if it meant I couldn't get laid."

"Suigetsu... you do know Hidan isn't that kind of priest." Zabuza grinned. "Although he can't leave, if his lover comes to the temple, they could fuck all they want. The problem is..."

"It's a long distance relationship since the Uchiha clan had him banished." Kisame finished gravely.

"Man they just love to fuck us over, don't they?" Suigetsu sighed, earning a smack to the back of the head, courtesy Kisame.

"Oi, stop cursing. I promised your bro I'd be a good influence."

"Good luck with that." Zabuza murmured to Haku whom giggled.

–

"Wow Tobi, that was fast." Konan smiled sweetly at the masked boy whom held out a letter from Amegakure.

"If delivering the letter means Tobi gets to be with Tobi's Zetsu-san, Tobi would run to the ends of the Earth through the bad place to deliver it." Tobi nodded.

"Yes. If my plan works, all of us will be able to get away from Konoha." She smiled, opening the letter.

–

The next afternoon, Konan was helping Itachi prepare to greet his choices. She ran the brush through his long black hair while he put in his black contacts, hiding his red, Uchiha eyes. He would be taking a stroll on the beach with his choice and that meant going through hazardous Hoshigaki territory. Konan had already informed him of the plan and yet he was feeling nervous.

He would still have to marry this 'Deidara' in order to escape. Although he could get a divorce the moment he reached Amegakure, right? He started to tremble again and Konan sighed, standing in front of him in order to give him a hug. He struggled for air as his face was suffocated by her bosom. She released him when she realized this and apologized with a laugh. She gave him her good wishes and a kiss on the cheek before sending him downstairs.

He strolled down the stairs, pausing as his brother came up to him. He embraced his brother and Itachi returned it before poking him in the forehead.

"Brother... why do you have to get married?" Sasuke asked, following him into the large living room where four women were waiting.

"Because mother and father want me to, Sasuke." He replied, patting his head. "Good evening, ladies."

He bowed respectively, looking for blond. There were two but he panicked when he saw they looked alike. He had been informed that Deidara would be wearing his long blond hair in a ponytail with bangs over his eye yet they both shared the style and had blue eyes. They were also both in dresses and wearing makeup. The other two women did not interest him; two brunettes.

"Hello, I'm Marry." One of the brunettes greeted with a smile.

"I'm her sister, Sue." The other did the same. (AN: Lol... they're not important enough to have actual names.)

"It is a pleasure to meet you both." He smiled pleasantly then turned to the first blond. He was startled at how young she was; probably around Sasuke's age... what on Earth were his parents thinking?

"My name is Ino and I am a student under the Hokage." She greeted and Itachi sighed in relief.

"You must be Deidara then." Itachi smiled at the other blond whom nodded curtly, not saying anything else. "From Ame?" Another nod. "Pleasure to meet you."

He grabbed his hand and placed a very small, quick peck on it. He felt it necessary, Deidara seemed quite flustered, trying not to glare. He was doing this for Konan. The plan was that he impersonate a daughter of the king which means, if 'she' were to marry, Itachi would be the next in line for the throne without a queen nor other heir. Naturally, this meant his parents immediately accepted his choice. The other three went home and Itachi noticed the youngest blushing at his brother on her way out. His brother showed no reaction.

Deidara huffed briefly and then took Itachi's arm. It was time for their seclusive walk on the beach. A man was waiting for them, his face hidden considerably well. Itachi suspected he looked familiar but shrugged it off, waiting for him to approach them on the beach.

"Deidara, I am going to speak with my contact. He'll be putting on your gag wedding." He explained. "That way, when we return home, your actual 'guard' won't neuter me and your 'husband'."

"Alright, Kaku—er, Kazuhiro-san, hm." Now Itachi saw why the man had not spoken; not only did he have a speech impediment, but his voice was far from feminine.

The man nodded and then headed to a temple out-looking the sea on a cliff. Itachi had heard that the priest there was a strange one. He shrugged the thought off though as Deidara began to drag him to the water. Once they reached it, they stayed there, staring out at the horizon. It would be romantic if it was not for the occasional glare Deidara would send Itachi, only to have it returned tenfold. They were startled when they heard a shout though and turned to find the man that Itachi had seen tackling his unknown, tall, blue crush the other day.

"What the hell are you doin' on Hoshigaki territory?" The man slurred.

"We are not trespassing." Itachi replied calmly; this man was a miniature of the man that had saved him from drowning... even if he did start it. "This part of the beach is public property."

"How the fuck would you know, you shitty Uchiha?" He drawled, holding up his beer bottle.

"I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not an Uchiha." He lied, ignoring the look Deidara gave him.

"Tch. Well, whatever..." He eyed Deidara. "Maybe if you hand that bitch over, I'll spare your asses."

"Suigetsu!" A man shouted angrily, turning heads. It was the blue man and Zabuza Momochi—he had encountered the gang member only once before. "Stop harassing the poor blokes."

"Eh, fuck you two!" He snapped. "I can do whatevah the fuck I want."

"Suigetsu, you stole into Hidan's alcohol stash again." The blue guy scolded, snatching the bottle from the boy's hands. "He's going to be pissed."

"Screw Hidan." He scoffed, "He's siding with the fucking Uchihas."

"What did I tell you about your language?" The blue man growled, smacking the back of his head. "Zabuza, take him back to Haku. He needs to sober up. I'll take care of these two."

"Yeah... okay." Zabuza frowned, eying Itachi in familiarity. "Come on, kid." He grabbed Suigetsu's shirt collar though and hauled him to a docked ship.

"Sorry about him. Since his brother was drowned trying to save an Uchiha runt, he's been a bit... difficult." Itachi's blue crush apologized with a light laugh. "My name's Kisame. Hoshigaki, Kisame."

"'Kisame Hoshigaki'?" Itachi echoed. "You're rather polite for a gang leader."

"Ah... so you do know the Uchihas... They're the ones that label us as a gang. To me, I'm just a man trying to look out for his family." He studied the pair for a moment. "So are you two on a romantic stroll?"

"Yes, hm."

"No." Itachi felt his face heat in embarrassment. "I mean... yeah, kinda."

"'Kinda'?" He repeated with a laugh. "Not so romantic then?"

"Yeah." He admitted.

"Hey, I gotta go, hm. Kak—Kazuhiro is probably waiting. I'll see you tomorrow, hm." Deidara sighed. "These heels hurt like hell."

"So you're gay?" Kisame smirked once the 'cross dresser' had left.

"Is that a problem?" He murmured, somewhat darkly, making the blue man jump in surprise.

"Well, no. My coz has a boy he's shacked up with." He explained.

"Hn." Itachi blinked, wondering which of the two it could be.

"Guess we all have a thing for little boys though." He joked but frowned nervously when Itachi did not join in. "Not that we're pedophiles or anything..."

"How old are you?" Itachi inquired.

"Twenty-seven. You?" He grinned, revealing the signature shark-like teeth the Hoshigaki 'gang' was known for.

"... Sixteen." He replied. "So do you like to swim?"

"Huh? Well, yeah. I love it. I especially love taking the boat out to the shark territory to swim with them."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Itachi's eyes widened.

"Only if you somehow get blood on you. They're usually pretty tame. Or at least my babies are." He smiled.

"Your 'babies'?" Itachi blinked, tilting his heads. "You love sharks?"

"Not in that way." He grinned.

"Of course not." Itachi smiled, surprising himself.

"Maybe I could take you out to meet them sometime." He offered, then thought for a moment before adding. "That is if your boyfriend don't mind."

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend. He's my fiance." Itachi felt like hitting himself and his brow furrowed.

"Arranged marriage?" He guessed.

"Yeah, it's a long story."

"I have time, angel."

"What?" Itachi was caught off guard by the sudden pet name.

"Ah, sorry. Kinda slipped. It's just... you look like an angel in the moonlight." Itachi felt his face heat up but noticed the shark was also blushing.

"... I suppose I don't mind." He whispered, staring up at the moon.

"... So what about this story you were going to tell me?"

Itachi smiled and began to explain how he planned to fake his marriage with someone from Amegakure so he could get away from his parents. He made sure to leave out who they were and did not mention Deidara's 'guard' nor the priest at the temple. When he finished telling his tale, Kisame was frowning, deep in thought.

"Why not just run away?" He whispered.

"It would do no good. They will just drag me back." He sighed.

"My parents didn't." He watched a crab scuttle along the sand. "Of course, they were thrown in jail... They told me that the Uchiha clan was all greedy, before they got thrown in there. They're planning something, I can feel it."

"... I have heard that they want to ally themselves with another country so they could destroy Konoha. Of course, it's hard to wrap my mind around that."

"Why?" Kisame questioned as he turned away.

"... I've been around them my whole life... they raised me. My parents might be planning on doing just as Danzo and the other elders told me but..." He shook his head. "Good bye, Kisame. It is a shame we will not meet again. It was nice to finally speak to you." He hurried home, leaving Kisame standing by the water, shocked into silence.

–

In the morning, Zabuza and Haku were strolling the beach when they saw their leader sitting in the sand, back to the sea for once. The approached him and followed his gaze to the Uchiha clan residence. They quirked a brow and realized that he had been sitting here for awhile.

"Hey coz, you okay?" Zabuza inquired while Haku drenched a cloth in the cold seawater to wring out on Kisame's head.

"Zabuza... I think... I might be in love."

–

Itachi frowned, staring down at the beach from his balcony. He had been unable to sleep, even when his brother came to join him, crying of a nightmare. His eleven year old brother was passed out on his bed, peaceful. Kisame had been sitting there as long as Itachi had, staring at his house. Itachi started when the doorknob to his bedroom turned. He scurried inside, shutting the doors and closing the curtains. He was surprised to find Deidara was there with Konan.

"So how'd it go with the blue dude, hm?" He inquired with a knowing look in his eyes.

"... Terrible." He sighed.

"What's wrong, hm?"

"He's Hoshigaki." He answered. "They are the Uchiha clan's enemies.

"There are only three of them though, hm. I'd say they're just one of the Uchiha clan's many victims, un."

"I realize this but..." He frowned. "That doesn't mean they will forgive me."

"But you did nothing, hm. Your family did." Deidara reasoned.

"No... I was responsible for the death of Suigetsu's brother... It was an accident though."

"The blue guy didn't seem to hold a grudge, hm."

"Well... no, but..." Itachi was stumbling over his words.

"Maybe you could go and talk to him again, hm?" He smiled faintly. "We'll be passing through their territory on the way to the temple."

"The wedding's today?" Itachi's eyes were wide now.

"Yeah. Your parents were impatient, hm."

–

"Hey, coz, I know what to do. Let's go see Hidan. He always makes you feel better." Zabuza suggested, urging him to his feet.

"Alright... I guess a few drinks couldn't hurt." He grumbled, allowing himself to be dragged towards the cliff.

"Haku, go ahead and keep an eye on Suigetsu. He never could hold his liquor." Zabuza instructed his lover.

The duo arrived at the temple in a matter of minutes but a crash sent them rushing in. They stopped in the doorway, watching the short-tempered priest throwing a vase at a cloaked man, screeching. It was difficult to understand but once they realized whom was being targeted, they could guess.

"You stupid mother fucker! Three Jashin-damned weeks and not a single letter. And then, when you get the fucking balls to come back, you don't say a single thing to me. No 'I love you, Hidan' or 'I missed you, Hidan'. FUCK! Why did I have to fall for such a jerk! You come in during one of my sacred rituals, ruining it, and then kick me until I get up. Once I'm up, you say I have to put on a fucking wedding for the Jashin-damned Uchiha brat!" He panted, pausing his assault to catch his breath.

Zabuza and Kisame exchanged a look and then approached the cloaked man. Hidan was turned away now, crying in a corner. They helped the man back to his feet and he brushed himself off.

"Hey Kakuzu." Kisame greeted casually.

"He has a point man. If I went away for a few months and didn't send any letters to Haku, I'd get the silent treatment for a year." Zabuza grinned.

"Hidan giving me the silent treatment for a year would be far from punishment." He sighed, walking over to the priest.

"Fuck off." He sniffed, flinching when Kakuzu touched his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Hidan. You know I love you." He pulled Hidan into a hug, petting his head.

"Don't touch my fucking hair. I hate you." He snarled.

"Hidan," He leaned close to whisper something in the Jashinist's ear. Whatever it was, it got Hidan to calm down and cuddle up to the miser.

"Oi, Hidan, you got any booze left? Kisame says he just got his heart smashed to pieces before it could beat."

"Eh?" Hidan pulled free of Kakuzu to go to Kisame. "Who was she?"

"He." Zabuza corrected.

"... It doesn't matter. He's getting married soon." He sighed. "And he's an Uchiha."

"What the fuck?" Hidan gaped. "Is it Itachi Uchiha?"

"I dunno... why?"

"'Cause that's the prick I'm marrying off today."

"Today?" Kisame felt faint. "So soon?"

"Heh. So it is the same bitch. They'll be here soon." He looked around his trashed temple. "What the hell happened here?"

"You were throwing things at me, throwing another bitch-fit." Kakuzu grumbled.

"Fuck you." He snapped halfheartedly. "I just can't wait til this shindig is done 'cause then I can go to Ame with you." He clung to Kakuzu's arm.

"Wait, what time are they coming?" Zabuza started.

"Hm? Few minutes." Kakuzu said, glancing at his watch.

"Shit, we gotta go, Kisame. If they find us here, we're screwed."

–

Sasuke sighed, pacing the shore. He had tried to keep up with the crowd but stumbled behind. Now he was all alone, glaring at the ground. Then, he saw a teenager approach. He had white hair and Sasuke gulped when he caught sight of a Hoshigaki fang poking out of his mouth. The teenager stopped, glaring down at Sasuke.

"What the hell are you doing here, kid? This is Hoshigaki territory. Scram." He made a shooing motion with his hand.

"You can't tell me what to do. My daddy's a police officer." The teenager froze, looking at the boy; he looked so much like the bastard that had killed his brother.

Haku panted, searching desperately for his lover's cousin. He gasped when he saw him, straddling a boy a few years younger than himself and made to rush over. However he heard a shout from the direction of the temple and prayed it was Kisame. Zabuza had returned without him and was on the boat. His heart beat erratically when he recognized the man to be the head of the Uchiha police. He shouted a warning to Suigetsu. In the fishing boat, Zabuza had heard Haku and grabbed his sword, rushing out to see what was going on.

Haku was struggling to get Suigetsu off Sasuke and the police force was closing in. Zabuza cursed and ran towards them. He had a bad feeling about this...

–

Kisame waited patiently for Itachi to enter Hidan's bedroom where he was waiting. Hidan had promised his friend that, once the guests and family had gone, he would send Itachi to him. His heart raced as the door open and he jumped to his feet.

"Angel." He whispered, approaching the black haired beauty.

"Kisame... So the priest was telling the truth." He sighed in relief and closed the door behind him.

"Itachi, look, there's something I want to tell you." Kisame said urgently.

"Hn." He urged.

"I realize that you're an Uchiha but you're not like the others. Granted, I haven't even known you a day, but, I think I'm in love with you."

"Hn." Itachi nodded. "I think I could say the same of you. You are not like the gang leader I was told about."

"So..."

"Kisame! Come quick, there's an emergency on the beach! You have to break the bastards up before something bad happens!" Hidan burst in just as they were about to kiss.

"What?" Kisame frowned. "Do you still have my sword?"

"What? What's going on?" Itachi demanded but they had already left.

Kisame rushed down the cliff, his large sword fastened on his back. He saw a group of the Uchiha police struggling to restrain Suigetsu. His heart caught in his throat as he saw two familiar lumps in the sand at the head officer's feet. He felt something snap inside and charged. Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara lead Itachi down to the beach, stopping cold at the sight before them. Kisame was knelt over something, covered in blood.

"Father..." Itachi accidentally stepped on his father, jumping when he heard a dying gasp. "Kisame, what...?" He trailed at the blank look on the shark's face.

Kisame's sword lay next to a broad black blade. Beside that lay a small boy and Zabuza. Itachi understood what had happened and approached Kisame, ignoring Hidan's warning. Kisame tensed at his approach and grabbed Samehada. He did not recognize Itachi at first. After he did, his sword felt heavy and he let it fall once more. Itachi fell to his knees in front of the shark and wrapped his arms around his head, pulling him to his chest in a hug. Just as Konan had done.

"I guess I really am a shark..." Kisame choked. "I smelled their blood and lost it..."

"It's alright, Kisame. I don't blame you..." He closed his red eyes and pulled his fingers through Kisame's dark blue hair; he had wanted to know what it would feel like since he had first seen Kisame on the beach... he just did not imagine it would be under such grim circumstances.

"What happened?" Itachi inquired.

"We don't know..." Hidan frowned.

"Where's Suigetsu?"

–

Konan gasped, hand clapped over her mouth at what she had witnessed from Itachi's balcony. She saw Lady Uchiha pulling a stunned Sasuke inside. She turned to Tobi whom had been waiting in the room for the chance to fetch Zetsu. They jumped when the door slammed open and Itachi's mother entered.

"Where is he?" She screeched.

"Who?" Konan started.

"Itachi. That ungrateful brat." She seethed. "He could have stopped it."

"What are you talking about?" Konan noticed that Sasuke was in the hallway, a terrified expression on his face.

"That Hoshigaki I arrested, he was saying something about my 'son'" she spat the word, "being a homo. Is this true, Konan?"

"I-I wouldn't know, ma'am." Konan lied, watching as Tobi fled from the room, taking Sasuke with him.

–

Itachi helped Kisame to his feet, telling him he had to leave. He refused and the Uchiha looked to Hidan and the others for help. They took him and said they would hide him in the temple. Itachi nodded and hurried to his home. He had to check on his brother, get Konan and the others, and then leave. He saw Tobi outside, holding Sasuke in his lap. He exchaned a look with the masked Uchiha and then hurried into his room. The house was so empty, it scared Itachi.

He reached his bedroom and found Konan grappling with his mother. He locked eyes with the bluenette and grabbed his mother around the middle, begging her to calm down. She whirled around, releasing Konan in order to slap him. He winced but said nothing, taking Konan's hand. He glared at his mother and then fled.

"Sasuke, are you alright?" Itachi asked.

"Brother." Sasuke sniffed, hugging his brother's neck.

"Shh, it's alright..." Itachi soothed him, looking at Konan and Tobi.

They had to go to the jail. He led the way, carrying his brother carefully. He unlocked the door and Tobi ran to where Zetsu was being held. Itachi handed his brother to Konan and then went to look for Suigetsu. He found the teen huddled in the corner of his cell.

"Suigetsu, are you okay?"

"Fuck you, Uchiha." He snapped.

"I'm just trying to help." He hissed.

"Help? You ruined everything." He murmured. "If it wasn't for you, my brother would still be alive."  
"That was an accident." He sighed.

"An accident that could have been avoided." He coughed. "It's your fault Kisame's all alone now. I hope you know that."

"I was going to let you out but clearly you don't want that." Itachi growled. "Just so you know, if you do get out, Kisame won't be here waiting for you."

"What are you talking about?" Suigetsu raised his head.

"We're going to Ame. Now that he's killed everyone, he'll be in danger here." He explained. "I'll take care of him though..."

"You..." Suigetsu collapsed, Itachi assumed it was due to his injuries and exhaust.

"Brother, why were you talking to him? He's a Hoshigaki..." Sasuke murmured once he returned to Konan's side. "He tried to kill me..."

"It's okay, Sasuke. He won't try to hurt you anymore." Itachi hugged his brother. "I have to go to Ame now. Take care of mother... I'll try to keep in touch."

"You're leaving me?" Sasuke's eyes watered.

"You can't come with me. You're too young." He sighed. "Good-bye, Sasuke-kun." He used a family technique and his brother's world turned black.

– i_Five years later..._/i

Kisame groaned, throwing a pillow over his head as moans and cries filled his ears. Itachi slept peacefully at his side, ignoring Kakuzu and Hidan's nightly activity. They were much louder than Sasori and Deidara. Why he had to have the room between the two, he'll never know. He envied Zetsu and Tobi's room down in the basement.

"I told you to buy earplugs." Itachi whispered, kissing Kisame's lips.

"When will you let us do what they're doing?" Kisame whined. "It makes me horny every damn night."

"After I hear from my brother and get his permission."

"You're kidding." He whined again.

"Do you have any idea how upset he was with me when he found out I had run away with the man that killed our family? It was a miracle he was okay with my marrying you."

"You don't need his permission." He argued.

"I want it though. I am the only family he has left." He sighed, kissing Kisame again, hoping to calm him before he got worked up again.

"Fine..." He pouted, caving.

The next morning, Tobi returned with more than just letters. Itachi and Kisame started to find Suigetsu, Sasuke, and a blond boy standing behind the masked Uchiha. Itachi rushed to Sasuke, crushing him in a hug. Kisame hesitated before doing the same to Suigetsu.

"Wow, you've gotten so big." They both exclaimed to their family members.

"Yeah..." Sasuke's voice was deeper. "Brother, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Naruto."

"Hey." The blond waved.

"Ah... so this is why you took so long to visit." Itachi smiled which, of course, made Kisame smile.

"Suigetsu, what are you doing here?" He asked, pulling him aside.

"Sasuke let me out after I calmed down. Doesn't mean I've forgiven your husband. I still hate the bastard... but I was really starting to miss you, coz. It's so lonely since..." He trailed, clearing his throat.

"I know." He sighed, hugging Suigetsu again. This time, he noticed a familiar blade. "You took his sword..." He frowned.

"Didn't think he'd need it and there's no way in hell I'm letting some stranger get a hold of it." He explained.

"Does this mean you'll stop pestering me about Samehada?" Kisame asked hopefully.

"No way, old man."

"I'm not that old." He whined.

"Hey coz, are you still a virgin with Itachi? 'Cause if you are, that's just sad." He shook his head.

"He wanted to wait for his brother's permission."

"Kisame, could you help me find a room for them to all stay in?" Itachi interrupted their conversation.

"Uh, yeah. I'll see if Tobi—where'd he go?" Kisame looked around, jumping when the boy popped up saying 'boo'. "Go get them some rooms, Tobi." He instructed.

"Tobi will do as Tobi is told because Tobi is a good boy!" He cried, dragging Suigetsu away. Sasuke and Naruto trailed behind.

"Kisame... he gave me permission..." Itachi purred, draping himself over Kisame's shoulders (he was on his tiptoes ;p).

–

Kisame pulled Itachi towards their bedroom, pulling up the weasel's shirt. While their mouths were occupied with each other. Itachi's hands went up and under Kisame's sleeveless shirt, feeling the rippling muscles beneath. He finally got the shirt off and tossed it across the room just as Kisame started nibbling on his neck. He moaned, surprising himself since he was usually quiet and stoic.

"Who would have thought you were such a masochist, Itachi." Kisame smirked, groping the Uchiha.

"Ah... I'm not..." He flushed, grinding against him.

"Hmph, Itachi..." Kisame bit his lip this time, ripping a moan from Itachi. "Don't lie to me."

"Mn... maybe a little." He panted.

Kisame smirked and eased Itachi's pants down. He forced the Uchiha to sit and spread his legs, stroking his inner thigh. Itachi felt himself getting hotter and harder and he gasped when Kisame kissed his length. Then, Kisame smirked up at him before taking it in, letting his teeth scrape his his skin lightly. Itachi frowned at his husband's expertise.

"... Why are you so good at this?" He managed to gasp.

"... Zabuza was always bragging..." Kisame pulled off, reminiscing.

Itachi realized Kisame was starting to get tense and he acted quickly, getting back on the floor on his knees. He swiftly tugged his clothes off and grabbed him. He smirked when the shark twitched, looking down at him in shock. Itachi did not look at him, knowing he probably would not be able to do what he was planning if he got lost in those odd eyes. He did what Kisame had done to him moments earlier only without scraping him with his teeth. He sucked and licked, focusing on the blue appendage in his hands and mouth.

Kisame moaned, tangling his fingers in Itachi's hair. He was beginning to doubt the Uchiha's own innocence. He supposed he was just a fast learner. He smirked, moving a hand to pull and play with Itachi's erection. He grinned when Itachi moaned, his tip at the back of the twenty-one year old's throat. When Kisame's breathing became more labored, he pulled Itachi off. He was pouting as though Kisame had pulled him away from a treat.

"You'll get it back. Just not in that hole." He whispered seductively, twirling a lock of long black hair.

"Why are you so perverted?" Itachi smirked but let Kisame toss him onto the bed.

Kisame grinned as the bed slid against the wall separating their room from Kakuzu and Hidan's. '_Ha, take that, boys._' He grinned sadistically, admiring his wanton uke. Itachi's face was bright red, his arousal right out for Kisame to see. The shark reached for his bedside table, searching for lube he had bought and saved for just the occasion. Itachi was surprised but had no objections as Kisame lubed his fingers, telling him it would hurt less. He knew it would hurt since Hidan would complain for hours after being taken by Kakuzu. It was no secret _he_ was a masochist.

Kisame started to finger his entrance, waiting for an okay from Itachi. Once it was received, he started to ease his index finger in. Itachi tensed at the feel and Kisame told him to relax, leaning up to kiss him deeply. He put his middle finger in next and began to scissor, hoping to stretch his virgin. He debated on whether he should use a third finger, he was so impatient. A quick glance at Itachi's face gave him what he needed and he eased the next finger in.

Itachi squirmed and waited until he had become accustomed to the sensation. He could tell Kisame wanted more but it was painful. However he trusted Kisame and eased the blue face up with a finger, pulling him into a kiss. Kisame pulled out his fingers and grabbed the lube. He started to prepare himself and Itachi rolled onto his stomach, getting on all fours. Kisame grinned at the gesture and began to ease himself in the tight space. He had to stop for a moment in order to spare Itachi pain; it felt so good.

Itachi surprised him though, thrusting back, crying out as he forced Kisame the rest of the way in. It had hurt but he did not mind... perhaps he was a masochist. Kisame started to laugh lightly and wrapped his arms around Itachi's torso.

"Are you ready to let me take control, angel?" He whispered, trailing kisses down his spine as he straightened back up.

His hands returned to holding Itachi's hips and he began to pull out. He was halfway out before he slammed back in, relishing Itachi's moan. He repeated the action, increasing how far he pulled out before thrusting right back in. He experimented angles after awhile, trying to find a spot that would make him moan as Zabuza had told him Haku did. And he had heard the boy's moan before.

"HOLY SHIT!" Itachi gaped, startling Kisame. Not once had he heard his partner curse. "Again."

Kisame had not been paying attention but he tried the angle he had down, Itachi moaned another curse and then, he came. Kisame blinked at the suddenness but then he felt the effects Itachi's orgasm left him. He moaned, thrusting deeper inside as he released.

"That was fast..."

"It felt fast."

"Maybe 'cause it's our first time in awhile?" Kisame suggested, pulling out so he could collapse on the bed and pull Itachi close.

"Hn." He replied, nuzzling his torso.

"I love you too." Kisame replied.

–

AN: The ending might be a bit confusing; Basically, all of the Akatsuki live in a large house near King Pain's palace where Konan is residing. Deidara was a maid at the palace, Sasori was a guard with medical experience, and Kakuzu was a guard. Hidan became a priest, Kisame a fisherman, Itachi a cook. Tobi is still a messenger, Zetsu is still a gardener. I you have any more questions, feel free to ask because this is a oneshot so the only way to get your answers is to ask.

* * *

**Lalalalalalalalalalalala...**

Two oneshots down... -mentally counts- -remembers she can't count-

SasoDei

MadaZetTobi

Two more to go.

**0 – 0**

Other possibilities:

ZabuHaku

SasuNaru

GaaLeeGaa (not sure who should top, suggestions welcome)

I also need to update Psychiatrist and a Stripper... Growing Up... KakuHida...FML... xD


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